True Stories, Internet television, Celebrities, Sex, Comedy, Satire, Hot Girls

I couldn’t find my sequined glove for the memorial today so I cut some finger holes in a sock and glued sprinkles to it.

The MJ Memorial LIVE courtesy of CBS.

Live Broadcast by Ustream.TV

I apologize for the delay in posting this, the final installment in my 3 part series, Who’s On Fist?, but I was busy working, spanking my girlfriend, breaking up with said girlfriend, Tweeting the Erotica LA convention, going to a dirty kinky fetish party at Dungeon Corp, re-launching The Bad Ass Frank Show LIVE, Tweeting the death of Michael Jackson, and trying to convince myself that I’d never witnessed a fisting. I accomplished everything on the list but the last item which was, in fact, an epic failure. There is no denying that I have witnessed a fisting. If you’d like the sordid details leading up to this event, please read:

Who’s On Fist? Part 1

&

Who’s On Fist? Part 2

Assuming that you have now done so, let’s get right into it, shall we?

This is Kylie. She’s gonna get fisted.

So Ms. Ireland is up on that rack contraption and the blurry fella to her right, The Pope, is about to tie her up. This takes place prior to the torturous shenanigans in parts 1 and 2 of this piece.

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And I covered it live (dead?) via Twitter.

@badassfrank Michael Jackson had a heart attack and was rushed to UCLA medial. Father Joe Jackson says, “He is NOT okay”.

@badassfrank is waiting for someone OTHER than TMZ to officially announce that Michael Jackson is dead. It’s likely true but still.

@badassfrank Michael Jackson dead? So far only TMZ.com has reported it. That’s 1 step better than Perez Hilton. CNN? MSNBC? Enquirer? Someone reputable?

@badassfrank Michael Jackson in a coma, which is just like dead, only totally not dead. TMZ is to news as Bad Ass Frank is to chastity. Not even close.

@badassfrank Michael Jackson has died for real now.

@badassfrank The world weeped. Except for a few kids who slept over at Neverland Ranch back in the day who smirked & poured out a sip of Jesus juice.

@badassfrank saw Emmanuel Lewis, Macaulay Culkin, and Bubbles hold hands and jump off the Santa Monica pier.

@badassfrank wonders how many teary eyed fans would’ve let their kids sleep over at MJ’s house? Will you cry when OJ runs out of juice? RIP King of Ped.

@badassfrank heard Prince was rushed to a Minneapolis medical clinic after stubbing his toe. RIP purple toenail.

@badassfrank TMZ is now reporting that literally everyone on earth has died.

@badassfrank Oops. My bad. CNN is saying that literally everyone on earth is just in a coma. Stay tuned.

@badassfrank Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated, in spite of the wishful thinking of many.

The Bad Ass Frank Show LIVE returns with an all new episode from the new studio at Dungeon Corp HQ.. Guests for this ep include comedian Kyle Cease, pornstar and mogul Joanna Angel, plus new adult starlet Misti Dawn. An hour of unscripted, unedited and uncensored hot hilarity.

We had some technical difficulties so please pardon the tinny sounding audio. We’ll have it fixed by next time.

Join us for the live stream every other Tuesday night, 8pm PST at www.ustream.tv/badassfrank. We have a live chat and social stream via Twitter. Next show is June 30th. Be there!

It had been a few years since I’d been to an Erotica LA convention. In the past I spent a few minutes there, got bored, then bailed. But this year there was one thing that made it all worthwhile.

Twitter.

They say that everything is better with cheddar, but I propose that nothing is in the shitter with Twitter. No matter where I’m at, or what I’m doing, Tweeting it makes it fun and exciting by allowing me to mock it and share my derision for the world. So this year, Erotica LA was a grand ol’ time.

Below is my ongoing commentary and pics from the few hours I spent at the convention. I have more pics coming from an actual photographer that I’ll post, at which time I’ll dissertate further on my experience. For now, Tweets:

@badassfrank is up and preparing to go twitslap @erotica LA for a few hours.

@badassfrank dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. Thankful that A) had already brushed teeth and B) had already flushed toilet. It’s my lucky day.

@badassfrank is having a great hair day for @eroticala. Hopefully no one will get chlamydia in it and muss it all up. Antibiotics give me the frizzies.

@badassfrank Has to pee. Should I save it and see if they have a golden shower booth at @eroticala? Might win a prize for accuracy AND distance.

@badassfrank Just arrived here @eroticala. I love the smell of KY in the morning.

@badassfrank @thejessicadrake Just beat me in a Reese’s battle from the Wicked booth here @eroticala

@badassfrank There are less people here than pornstars. If you ever wanted to bang a porn chick, they’re giving away free anal w/ autographs today

Who wants to be a REAL whore?

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Last week I introduced my recent visit to a bondage set in:

Who’s On Fist? Part 1

So I’m at the Dungeon Corp studios from where, starting 6/16/09, I’ll be streaming The Bad Ass Frank Show LIVE again. Yes, the lovely Ogre has provided me with a set for my talk show which I’ll tell you all about in a subsequent post. Anyway, back to the torture.

The model, aka victim, is Kylie Ireland, a veteran pornstar and director who I’ve known for many years. Kylie is what’s affectionately referred to as “hardcore”, meaning that she enjoys all sorts of intense abuse. This makes her a perfect candidate for a BDSM shoot, particularly with the deviants at DC.

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A couple of weeks ago I paid a visit to the set of a new Vivid movie which I chronicled for your amusement in:

I Remember It Vivid-ly - Part 1
&
I Remember It Vivid-ly - Part 2

After that great adventure I decided to continue my self-inflicted trauma and visit the set of my good friends at Dungeon Corp and watch a Society SM shoot.  Their victim on this particular day was a lovely lady by the name of Kylie Ireland, who I’d met years before and count as one of my current Twitter playmates.

Wanna jump my rope?

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Last night I watched the 2009 MTV Awards instead of writing a blog like I was supposed to do. However, I performed my own commentary on the awards live, via Twitter. Below you can enjoy my Tweetcast in all of it’s glory. (Non Tweeted notes are in parenthesis)

In order from the start of the show til the end…

badassfrank is ready to admit that my life goal is to host the MTV Movie Awards but only so I can touch Miley Cyrus inappropriately on national TV.

badassfrank is going to bite myself to death with plastic Halloween fangs if Twatlight wins for best movie.

badassfrank is not a fan of Shia Ledouche.

badassfrank @ladydenden Is Edward Cullen the faggy tweaker looking guy, or is he the other faggy tweaker looking guy? I get them confused.

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I have a great blog in the works about my visit to a Dungeon Corp shoot but I got sidetracked covering the MTV Movie Awards live via Twitter. I’ll be posting tomorrow and let me tell you it’s going to be a glorious tale of Kylie Ireland, clothes pins, vaginal flogging, fisting, Turkish girls, bowling, and Miley Cyrus. Nobody can fuck with the shit that happens in my life. Nobody.

This is Kylie, not Miley.

More to come…