Bad Ass Frank – True Life Stories, Internet television, Comedy, Satire

This story is not for the faint of heart (or stomach) so be forewarned. It’s gonna get uglier than Rumsfeld and Bin Laden having gay sex in a vat of mayo.
I take you back to 1989 when yes, I was a wee lad of 19. (I’m old motherfuckers, I KNOW that. No need to point [...]

I met this girl on Match.com, if I recall correctly. She was a twenty-six year old graphic designer who lived somewhere in West LA, which was very convenient as it meant she wouldn’t have to drive far to deliver herself to me. Her profile pictures showed a cute, thin, blonde who looked a bit conservative, [...]

One of the unique aspects of meeting girls on the internet, is that you expand your reach far beyond the city you live in. At the height of my web womanizing, I was talking to ladies all over the United States, and even some in other countries. I had ho’s in different area codes long [...]

Drink, Drank, DRUNK! The Alcoholic Chronicles Pt. 2
It’s been almost two years since I wrote the first installment, Drink, Drank DRUNK! The Alcoholic Chronicles Pt. 1. I was only eighteen months sober when I penned that particular piece and now I’m at three years, two months. So much has happened and, unlike when I was [...]

If you read my last blog, Bodybuilding Days Part 2 – Big Legs, you know I started my bodybuilding career by winning the Teenage Mr. Maryland. Understand, however, that I didn’t just wake up one day with huge legs, massive pecs, streaks of fake tan, and horribly half-dyed blonde hair. A great deal of work [...]

See, my friend Chris got himself an apartment in Georgetown (downtown D.C.) just after high school. It was a pimpin little studio right near all the cool G-town bars. Every Friday night I’d head down and spend the weekend getting hammered and trying to pick up girls. The key word being “trying”. Actually, the key [...]

So, my close personal friend, we’ll call her “Angel” (but only cuz her real name is Angela and I want to protect her identity), calls me and asks for a ride to the Pleasure Chest. She’s in desperate need of some sex toys. I can understand those who have an affinity for sex toys or [...]

Or should it be blind shrimp and bad date. Seriously, the shrimps little heads were cut off so technically they’re blind, right? And I wanted to cut my fucking head off during the date. Either way, both sucked ass. Speaking of ass, the next paragraph is going to mention shitting more than once. If that [...]

The first rule of Fight Club is…You do not try to fight the entire club all at once.
Clearly, I don’t follow rules very well.
It was New Years Eve either in 1995 or 1996, I can’t recall. Or I’m just trying to block out the trauma of the night. Who knows? I’m out with Big Kev [...]

Continued from a previous blog. If you haven’t read it, do. It’s the beginning of this story: The Bodybuilding Days Part 1- The Quest for Huge
So I work out for a few weeks at the YMCA. I do not, as I’d hoped, get massively huge. I spend much of my time there fearing Sloth and [...]