Bad Ass Frank – True Life Stories, Internet television, Comedy, Satire

Yesterday I posted a status update, on both Myspace and Facebook, that said I was very proud of winning the Oscar for Best Status Update, and that I wanted to thank my mom for losing her virginity, god for not existing, and girls for having vaginas. Within the hour I got a bunch of shitty [...]

This past weekend, a gorgeous lady friend of mine who removes her clothes in exchange for currency, told me about a song called “A Lapdance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying”, by The Bloodhound Gang. I almost shit myself laughing one, because that’s funny and two, because I like to make chicks [...]

It’s time to paint the White House black.
Bring a little colored to politics.
Make the term, “Head Nigga In Charge” a bit more literal.
Love Obama like you love yo mama.
Chocolate City is ready for some juicy booty. Would you rather have this:

or this:

What if these two chicks wanted to get married?

I know pronounce you, Kristy Joe and Aubry from VH1’s Rock of Love.

If you denied them that right I’d have to beat you down and call you a fag. Because if those two girls want to get betrothed and make sweet sweet love on their wedding night, [...]

and I know this because she is only seventeen and I check ID’s.
(Note to Bristol: Diablo Cody already has the rights to that story. )
However, I think I can safely say that this Palin won’t require me to verify that she’s of legal age:

Sarah Palin’s level of hotness has not, to the best of my [...]

According to my research (I did no research), God does not like fags.
Leviticus 20:13
“If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination, so don’t be an abominable fag, especially if you’re a “bear” cuz big fat hairy guys doing it is just gross.”
However, in the King [...]

I’m walking back from the gym yesterday, sweaty and tired, when up ahead I see a figure walking toward me. As I continue, the figure comes into focus and I realize it’s a young lady. When she nears, I notice that she’s a very cute girl, perhaps mid 20’s, with long blonde hair and what [...]

When I don’t eat I get irritable. I get irrational. I get mean. But, because I fancy myself a person who is totally in control of his emotions, I won’t admit it, even to myself. If you’re a person who’s close to me, you typically pay the price. I don’t necessarily yell at you, or [...]

Should I lose weight?
Should I save money?
Should I floss more frequently?
Should I stop farting in crowded elevators?
Developing a list of resolutions is so very difficult. I mean, I want to utilize the first day of the year as my catalyst for self improvement. Otherwise, what’s the use of beginning a new calendar? I don’t drink, [...]

Rarely is there a new toy that I really like to play with, unless she’s 19 years old and has a nice ass. But on occasion, someone invents something that’s NOT a barely legal schoolgirl, and yet it still tickles my fancy (as opposed to my testicles). A few weeks ago, someone turned me on [...]