going down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a drifter I was born, to walk alone.

Oh god, not fucking WHITESNAKE AGAIN!

Seriously, that song is the soundtrack for every man-child-of-the-80’s break up. I first used it to get over Courtney, way back in the day. Actually, I believe I used it to get over her twice. You know a song is epically powerful when you can use it to get over breaking up with a girl not once, but twice. Coverdale, lead us back to the land of single-hood.

So yeah, as if it’s any huge surprise to anyone, my girlfriend and I broke up. Look, it was doomed from the beginning. I’m not retarded, I knew that whether I admitted it or not. She’s a great girl. Young, beautiful, sweet…she’s just fucked up in her head. It’s not her fault, she’s only twenty. And if that’s not bad enough, she had a horrific life leading up to our relationship. That fucks a girl up big time, trust me. Don’t let me rule out my part in the situation either. I haven’t wasted my entire life not developing any issues. I gots me a smörgåsbord of internal problems that lend themselves to fucking up relationships. Unsure of what I mean by “issues”? Let me remind you of some information I disseminated earlier in this chapter.

My recent ex-girlfriend is twenty. Twenty. TWENTY.

Did you catch the part where I said she was twenty?

Good, now you’re up to speed. Funny thing is, we had a pretty good relationship. Granted, it was a constant battle to maintain our happiness because of some things that had happened in the past (we dated before), but otherwise it was awesome. For the first time I really felt connected to another person on every level. Much of that had to do with her, but most of it was that I finally figured out my shit. I put my ego aside and committed to being the best boyfriend I could be. And, like anything I commit to, I fucking aced that gig. I’m a sick boyfriend to have, and I say that with no ego at all. You can’t beat me with a stick yo, cuz I’m the bomb. Every day, all day, I do the little things that guarantee your happiness and contentment. On top of that, I actually like to spend time with my girl. That’s a big change of pace for me when, in the past, I only did it begrudgingly. The new me doesn’t even look at other girls unless, of course, she points em out. Which, by the way, is a desirable trait in a girl. Just thought I’d point that out, in case you ladies were unaware. I’m also super thoughtful. Cuz, like a girl, I enjoy when people think of me when I don’t expect it, or even when I do. Hence, I do those things for somebody else.

It was a tough decision to end this relationship but, today, it got way easier. Not that it was a huge shock, but I discovered lies that were told to me just before we got back together. Although it bummed me out a bit that she hadn’t changed her ways very much, it was a blessing in disguise. Now I can sort of look at the last few months as a nice time, a lesson learned, and write it off. Kinda like catching chlamydia. You had a good time, you got burned (in your peehole), you swallowed some bitter pills, and you’re cured. Quick and easy fo sheezy.

I dont know where Im going
But, I sure know where Ive been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An Ive made up my mind,
I aint wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again

Tho I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what Im looking for
Oh lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

Preach on David, preach on.

Next installment: Single and Ready to Mingle.