What if these two chicks wanted to get married?

I know pronounce you, Kristy Joe and Aubry from VH1’s Rock of Love.

If you denied them that right I’d have to beat you down and call you a fag. Because if those two girls want to get betrothed and make sweet sweet love on their wedding night, neither you or I should prevent that beautiful union. It’s really none of our business unless, of course, they want me to jump out of their wedding cake, smear icing on them both, then have a double reverse wife swap. I swap her wife for her wife, and then I switch back. It wouldn’t be the first time I got laid at a wedding but it would be the first time I banged the bride, er, brides. So you motherfuckers go Vote NO on Prop 8 or I’ll kill you. Do you understand me? I will fucking murder you until your dead then I will kill you some more if you don’t.

The truth of the matter is, there’s absolutely zero reason to prevent gay marriage, even if you disagree with homosexuality. And by “disagree” I mean that you’re homophobic (cuz you’re a closet polesmoker yourself) or you’re a religious fanatic (who God secretly hates and laughs at behind your back).

I’m disgusted at the fact that laws governing marriage even exist. Is marriage not supposed to be a mutual validation of the love between two people? Who on earth feels that they’re justified in governing love between others? I’m the most controlling, egotistical, Athiestic, god-complex having person I know, and even I don’t profess to think I should be in charge of who you love. If so, I’d create a law that all hot chicks would love only me (along with one ugly one who would cook and clean). Now how would you guys feel if I passed a law and all the hot chicks loved me exclusively? Granted, it would be stupid to pass a law for something that’s already happened, but you get the idea. Instead of all the hot girls simply loving me, as they currently do, they’d be legally obligated to love me. Wait, that idea is starting to sound better and better. I think I might vote yes on prop 8. Then, when we’ve regulated who the gays can love, the next step will be to regulate who everyone else can love (again, i vote for me). We can make interracial marriage illegal. Ooh, and then people of different religions won’t be able to marry. After that people who have an age difference, then those who don’t live in the same geographic area, then those who don’t look alike. Eventually, you’ll only be able to marry people who are exactly like you! It’s perfect!

You’ll have to clone yourself and marry you! Shit, that means you’ll be marrying someone of the same sex. Sonofabitch, that won’t work either. We’re back where we started.

But don’t worry, my friends. As always, I have a solution.

We will outlaw marriage altogether. Having been married before, I think this could be the solution to a lot of society’s problems. We wouldn’t have to allow the homos to marry and we’d solve the nations high divorce rate at the same time. My nonexistent GOD, I’m brilliant!

You know, in light of my brilliance, I should probably run for President. I mean, it’s not like I couldn’t beat a black dude, right? So don’t be a fag and Vote NO on prop 8. Also, might I suggest a write in on the presidential ballot…

President Bad Ass Frank. I like the ring of that. I wonder if Kristy Joe wants to be my VP?

——————————————————————–

If you like this gay blog, check out The Mystery Of Lesbianism Part 1 and see if I can offend you.

More importantly, learn about my upcoming book, Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy, and read the chapter excerpts. New ones are posted twice a month for your titillation.