These comments and emails are direct from my Myspace page.

This week I posted two brilliant blogs so that you, the reader, could learn some very important things about me. If you have not read them yet, I forgive you for being lame as fuck, but only if you remedy the situation and read them now. No seriously, read them now or I hate you.

The first, Date This, is a lovingly conceived list designed to illustrate the beautiful qualities I would love to discover in my soul mate. Anal is suggested but not required.

The second, I Want To Make Strippers Cry, details my kind and caring way of teaching exotic entertainers, who may be have suffered some emotional trauma in life, brave new ways of feeling their feelings.

I ask you to read these genius literary works so that you might better understand the posting is this blog, for they are a selection of emails and/or comments that I received in regard to the previous pieces. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Correspondence relating to Date This:

1) A personal email from a lovely lady.

SUBJECT: Just giving you my honest opinion seeing how you love to give yours…………………YOU SUCK

BODY: Honestly, I think your a load of crap Not only will you NEVER find a girlf..riend, or a wfe that will stick around for long Your whole falues suck ass and you have the most rediculous opinions on women.. I have probably ever heard With the rate your going.. I see you probably being eternally gay for the rest of you life. = )

Your whole life is based on some nonefictaunal views and its discusting, this is the REAL world.. budd Not some add out of a vogue magizeen.

MY REPLY: My falues do not suck ass therefore it’s rediculous to think that I’ll probably be eternally gay for the rest of my life. I am, in fact, straight. Although I’d probably switch teams if you were the only female option available to me. The day I fuck another functionally illiterate retard is the day I go back to fucking functionally illiterate retards.

2) A comment from a delightful woman

COMMENT: That was fucking awsome. But my dear your hair sucks ass and your face is not that great.  Don’t get me wrong you got a great body and I am always a fan of the tats but you are kidding yourself with all that. Put the crack pipe down and snap back to thereal world baby

MY REPLY: You have shattered my world and I can no longer live under these delusions. Here I’ve been convinced that a slightly below average height guy, pushing middle age, could become a world renowned supermodel. Had I known that my hair sucks ass, and I was ugly, I’d have given up long ago and maybe considered a career in writing. Now I realize that Janice Dickinson will never call. I’ll never walk the runway for Versace. Never be on the cover of GQ. And I’ll certainly never catch the eye of any chubby mid-western moms. Sigh. I suppose I’ll resign myself to hiding my horrible visage from the world, writing brilliant humor, and banging hot young chicks. Life simply isn’t worth living. But thank you for clearing that up for me.

3) And finally, an email clearly demonstrating why there’s a young girl somewhere who’s very, very proud that her mother is writing to Bad Ass Frank on Myspace.

SUBJECT: I have some food for thought for you

BODY: I have raised that girl you are looking for. She is highly inelegant,
has very high self esteem, is caring, doesn’t smoke drink or do drugs.
She volunteers at soup kitchens does midnight runs for homeless
shetlers. Is from North East, MD. Is at St. John’ University in NY
studying psychology and special education, oh and by the way at 20 is
still a virgin. Here’s the flaw in your little quest, that girl you are
looking for that meets all those criteria’s on your little check list,
wont be interested in you. That girl was raised in a totally different
world NOT better mind you Not judgmental mind you just different.

MY REPLY: Given the grammar and punctuation in this email, I’m assuming that she didn’t get accepted to St. Johns after being home schooled. Regardless of that however, her psychology degree will surely come in handy when you’re traumtized by the discovery that not only is your daughter not a virgin, but that I’ve already fucked her six ways from Sunday (always wanted to use that phrase)…and so have at least three of my friends. Although if you’re not counting anal then, technically speaking, she’s still a virgin. No doubt the special ed minor will be near and dear to her heart since her mother is clearly a fucking retard.

Correspondance relating to I Want To Make Strippers Cry

1) A comment from an adult nude performer

COMMENT: I am a dancer, but unfortunately I don’t cry over something an asshole says or does. I would punch you, and try to make it hurt. A lot.
Whether it does or not is besides the point, my goal would still be
accomplished. I would love to punch you. It would turn me on more than
your love for the waterworks of a half naked tramp.. and so would you
hitting me back. So let’s fight bitch.. make it hurt Ha ha!!
xoxo

MY REPLY: I don’t understand dude. Are you a dancer or a stripper? I mean, are you more likely to appear on So You Think You Can Dance or on say, a brass pole greased up with chlamydia?

Now you can see why I often enjoy the comments from my gentle readers as much as I enjoy writing the blogs themselves. It’s in anticipation of this kind of love that I joyfully type each word that you see before you. And now I can’t wait to post the next piece, and anxiously await your questions, comments, and opinions.