In recent blogs I provided information on how to, and how not to, position yourself for an opportunity to date me. As I suspected, no one could handle the pressure and bitches chances collapsed faster than the economy. Que sera, serwhogivesafuck. Someday my princess will come, it just won’t be you.

That said, many thanked me for my Frank discussion on some of the more desirable traits in a mate, along with some of the less desirable ones. You’ve got to know where you stand, and it’s not near me. It occurred to me that I was doing female-kind a service by telling them the truth and that, in order to make the world a better and less whiny place, I should continue to do so. That, my vaginal wielding vixens, is exactly what I intend to do here today.

In this first installment of Mythfuckers, I will dispel one fallacy created by men to keep you in the dark, dumb and happy. You might not like what you hear because forever more you’ll always be insecure whenever your man compliments you, assures you of his love, or assuages your insecurities but trust me, you’ll thank me never. Just remember, whenever you’re doubting yourself or your man, you’re right and BAF concurs.

So, let the Mythfucking begin…

Myth 1 – “She’s cute, but I’m personally not attracted to her.”

This statement could made about your best friend, your sister, someone I work with, the girl at Starbucks, every Playmate for the last thirty years and, well, almost any attractive chick on the planet. It’s a lie. I want to intrude her anally right this very moment. If she was down for it, I’d do it right in front of you. When she enters a room, calls you on the phone, or even comes up in conversation, I almost immediately pop a boner. It has nothing to do with you. I’m not even thinking about you. But because I am a kind and sensitive man, I also don’t want to hurt your feelings. So I simply acknowledge that she’s “cute” which is a safe way to admit that she possesses some level of physical attraction without admitting that she’s a sex goddess come to life. Then I remove the power from even that complimentary statement by saying that I’m not attracted to her at all. Of course you don’t always believe me so I offer up a few things about her that I don’t like, such as the shape of her nose (too pointy) or some other incidental characteristic (her gums are too pink). I might even disparage her character (she’s a Republican) and explain how that makes someone less attractive in my eyes, thus deriving the added benefit of adding to my character, by appearing to care about a chicks’ character. But the truth of the matter is that, in my eyes, she looks like this:

And this fucks that myth—and hopefully me.

So there you have it ladies, the truth, scientifically-ish proven by me, the definitive word on well, pretty much everything. I hope that helps you to realize that your guy wants to bone every chick you know unless she’s fat and hideous, and then he just wants her to blow him. Don’t be sad, it’s not your fault. You can’t help your growing unattractiveness because you’re old news. It’s the way god (fake entity alert! fake entity alert) created us. In my, er, his image. For further information stay tuned for the next installment of Mythfuckers, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen”. Until then, keep on fucking those myths!

NOTE: If you try to get clever and use my comments to post myths that women create for men, I will reply with myths men have created specific to you. Proceed with caution.