Formula 1 (Friday night)
Formula 2 (Earlier Sat)

Later on Saturday, as I sat lonely in my room wondering if I’ll ever find my soul mate, I mixed up one last cocktail of CL chemistry to see if I could find a cure for my heart ache.

Saturday, Sept 19, Night

MY POST:

Subject: True love…or at least true-ish

Ok, so this CL thing isn’t working out as well as I’d hoped. Last night I posted an eloquent and romantic entry thinking that the woman of my dreams would find me here. Sigh. Twas not to be so I followed it up with a simple request for someone to bring me a Twix and a handjob. Nothing. It’s as if no one appreciates good old fashioned courting anymore.

Never one to give up on love, I posted again this evening in a second attempt to find a suitable mate. Because of the inadequacy of the women from Friday night I upped the ante, while still keeping my request modest, in the way of a piece of cheesecake and blow job. I received a number of responses but only one who seemed to have potential and for her I would have settle for the cheesecake. Ultimately she was not looking for a real relationship and I can’t be bothered with a one-night stand for a simple dessert, regardless of how delicious.

Now it’s 10:30pm on Saturday night and I have yet to receive any sort of tasty treat. On top of that I’ve got laundry that needs folding. So if you’re absurdly attractive and approximately half my age, bring me something sweet to eat and fold my shirts. If your folding skills are up to par I will consider allowing you to touch my arm but only for a moment and in a moderately platonic but lightly flirtatious manner. If you attempt to take any additional liberties with me you’ll be unceremoniously escorted out my door. I’m not easy unless you are so retardedly hot that I can’t resist you. Trust me, you’re not.

As I’ve said in a previous post, if you don’t include a clear picture of yourself that means you’re fat, hideously ugly, or a dude. If you are self aware enough to understand that any of these descriptors fit you, be aware enough not to email me.

This is it ladies. Step up or step off. If I haven’t found “the one” after my emotional plea, I expect that I’ll never get that blow job, I mean um, find the rightful owner of my heart.

Who’s down to explore our future together? xoxo

Click below to read the responses.

Reply 1
Hi,  I hope this email finds you well this evening.
I saw your CL ad and wanted to write. After reading just a few, yours seemed absurdly real, lol. I am slightly confused on your intentions are,or what you are really looking for. But I guess I will take shot at this.
And at this point I am not even sure what I am doing…lol. Scanning through these things, made me feel almost blush like with the type of things men post here.
My name is MC, I am 27 years old and a LA native.
College graduate and work as a Buyer for a publishing house in Culver City.
I live in the valley ummmmmmmmm and 5′5” and 126 lbs.  And obviously I am asian lol.
Have a good night.

NOTE: Pretty sure this is spam or a tranny. The only indication that it might be a real reply is that “she” is Asian and I posted looking for someone to fold my laundry.

-So that was it for this weekend. Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody…but never fear my friends, my resilient heart will beat on to search another day. I firmly believe the next missus is on CL searching for me, so I’ll continue to through up the BAF signal until she sees my light shining brightly in the night sky. Keep the faith!