The previous nights post, ‘Smart. Hot. Funny. Any Questions?’, proved fruitless. I’m confident tonight will be the night.

Saturday, Sept 19, Early evening.

MY POST:

Subject: I’m so hot you’ll have Saturday night fever…

Last night I posted here anticipating that I would find true love by the culmination of the weekend. There’s about 24 hours left before the East coast feed for Entourage at which time your luck has run out. So if you’re looking for a serious long term relationship please get off your ass. Incidentally, for those who did reply and decided to not include a picture, you have low self esteem or you’re just ugly and self aware.

I also posted a second time requesting an attractive girl who would be so kind as to deliver me a handjob and a Twix. Needless to say, as a gender you failed miserably, although a bunch of gay dudes who suffer from wishful thinking offered me all manner of candy and sweet release. I specifically offered to share half of one half of the Twix with you. If you possess no gratitude for my generosity then I’m clearly not the man for you. Because of your inability to step up to the plate last night, tonight will be a tougher sell. I require a piece of cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory and a blow job. Alas I’ll not be sharing any of MY cheesecake so I suggest you bring a piece for yourself. If you contact me early enough I may allow you to take me to see a movie but forget “Julie And Julia” as I’d rather masturbate with a handful of broken glass than watch even 30 seconds of that painful story.

I’m having a particularly good hair day and I’m really tan, so my pecs look amazing. Depending on the freshness of the cheesecake and the enthusiasm of the oral pleasure, I may let you touch them.

I’m here to prove to all of you on CL that romance is not dead. Have at me ladies…and good luck.

Click below to read the responses…

Reply 1
you crack me up!  cheesecake and a blowjob?  lol!  hot pics though…  no one came through for you last nite?  too bad…    what are you doing this weekend?
26/blonde/5′4/135/32D

NOTE: The email name was “John Smith”

Reply 2
hey how is it going, sorry about the random response. I am new to all
this and always want to expand my sexual horizon.  I am 29 here,
young successful executive just looking for a cool normal laidback
buddy to hang with and check things out .   I’ve always been curious
to see what it would be like to suck a dude off and explore.  I got
great 420 and some snow if your interested. I always get off licking
a woman’s pussy and wanted to explore if I can do the same with a
dude.  I am in shape, goodlooking.

I guess I am looking for two different scenario.  First, it would be
hot to find someone cool and normal to hit the bars in town and try
to rope a chick back to the my place and have a threesome, this is
something I’ve been wanting to do and figured it was worth a shot. I am looking
for someone normal, attractive and openminded.  Let me know if you
want to give that a shot.

Scenario two, it would be hot to just hang out and drink a few
beers.  Then smoke a few bowls (if your into that), do some lines of snow
relax and just let me suck you off and please you.  I am not looking
for anything in return, nothing about it turns me on, pretty much
intersted in just pleasing and sucking and see if i can really suck
and please a guy off.  I am clean and safe.

If your cool and normal and open to explore, let me know open to
other ideas or suggestions.  let meknow if there is a way to contact
you.  I am serious here, hope I did not offend you with the email

Reply 3 (Our conversation)

HER:
Um, so which part of your post was joking?
the first part or the second part
either way
you are cute
but I’m not into sucking your dick.
I may bring cheesecake though… if you lighten up and share.
haha, so, if your first part of your post was serious, and the second part was to make fun of the disgusting people on craigslist, reply back. IF THAT ISN’T the case, pleeease don’t respond back.
Thanks, Sara

ME:
“you are cute
but I’m not into sucking your dick.
I may bring cheesecake though”

Decisions, decisions.

Is that picture really you? If so, you appear a little too cute to be trolling for dudes on CL. We also might be sharing some cheesecake this evening. Unless that’s a misleading picture. Then can you have someone else deliver the cheesecake?

-And that was that. Still no love, still no romance, still no candy bars, and still no orgasm. But you know your boy BAF, I don’t give up that easy. The night is young…