Previous Concoctions:
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 1
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 2
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 3
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 4
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 5

This formula is the final installment for a while. I haven’t given up hope completely but CL has fallen short of my expectations. I haven’t found love, a reasonable prospect for a date, a blow job, or a Twix. It’s as if nobody really wants to connect anymore. I’m going to look around some other places and, as always, I’ll keep you updated. So check out my last ditch effort below and the one reply. This one had the right idea but it didn’t feel like a match.

Friday, Sept 25, Early Evening

MY POST:

Subject: You Can’t Put A Price On Love…

but I can.

And it ain’t cheap. Especially if it’s with me. See, the time has come in for me to cash in on my passion.

The fact is that I’m looking for love. Prior to this my only qualifiers were my emotional, intellectual, and physical attraction to a woman and that, my friends, has proved epic in it’s failure. So now I’m going to quantify rather than qualify, meaning you’ll need a substantial quantity of dollars in order to win my heart. What does this mean, you ask? Have I now forsaken the idea of you soothing my soul with your embrace, entertaining me with your witticisms, or fulfilling all of my sexual fantasies? Not at all. What it means is that I require you to supplement all of those things with cash money. You’re going to need to be a highly paid professional, a trust fund baby, or at the very least a divorcee who was crafty enough to rape your ex-husband financially when you caught him railing his secretary on the copier. Those are the only likely options to guarantee that you have the kind of net worth that I’m worth. I’d have added “lottery winner” to the list but that would likely mean that you lived in a trailer and have, at some point, had a Skoal Bandit in your mouth. Sadly Crystal, that’s a deal breaker.

I am considered a luxury item.

Previously I wanted a lady who could cook, clean, stimulate me intellectually, and satisfy me sexually. Now, however, I will allow you to hire both a chef and a maid to take care of my domestic needs. I have friends to stimulate me intellectually and the sex, well, I can train you. The skills you’ll acquire may not be enough to overcome my lack of physical attraction to you and, if that’s the case, we’re going to have an open relationship. You can’t buy your way around fat and/or ugly. That’s not my doing. Blame god.

I understand that not everyone is looking for a long term, serious relationship, even though I am. I’m reasonable ,so I’m offering a tiered menu of options to suit your individual needs and desires. I think there’s a little something listed below that will work for everyone unless you’re a broke ass muthafucka, in which case stop reading now and go get a better job.

Tier 1 – The Date
The Date is our entry level interaction and obviously the most affordable. It allows you to experience my charm, wit, and rugged good looks for the minimum outlay of cash. Lucky for you, I eschew expensive restaurants or fancy events. A simple dinner somewhere casual followed by a movie or, even better, a live comedy show will suffice. It’s a risky scenario for you because you’re forced to dress casual which means you must have a reasonably impressive body and be cute. You also have to wow me with your personality because you won’t have your checking account to do it for you. You’re basically relying on your own devices, a play that has historically proven disastrous for most women. I only suggest this if you are physically fit, have a pretty face, and give ridiculously good head. Oh, you’d best be picking me up in an absurdly expensive car unless you’re willing to explain that you’re not ostentatious and show me a copy of your bank statement to demonstrate your availble liquid assets. This Tier comes with no physical affection including, but not limited to: no touching, no hand holding, no hugging, no kissing, no lap sitting, and certainly no sex. The blow job you’ll give me doesn’t count as it’s simply a test of your enthusiasm in courting me.

Tier 2 – The Shopping Date
This second level is another date and may or may not incorporate all of the activities offered in Tier 1. What it also includes is a trip to various establishments where you may purchase things that I want including, but not limited to: Nordstrom, Lucky Brand Store, American Apparel, Macy’s, Pampa, Z-Gallerie, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Target. Be thankful that I don’t like jewelry or flamboyant clothing. Expect me to spend your money reasonably at the furniture stores. I won’t indulge myself with a new bed frame or living room set. I’ll generally stick with accessories unless I see a comfy reading chair that I can’t live without. You’ll be expected to pay for expedited delivery. As far as the clothing stores and house wares, anticipate handing your card to the cashier upon entry and advising them to “run this gentleman a tab”. If your generosity meets or exceeds my expectations, you may be entitled to the initial stages of physical affection such as light touching and a hug. If you’re hot, I may include some kissing. Before the blow job, not after. (Note: If you buy me a bed frame from Pampa and a new sofa, you will receive bonus affection commensurate with the price of the furniture)

Tier 3 – The Vacation Date
The Vacation date is what separates the women from the girls. Starting with the vacation date is a bold move that’s fraught with risks but has exciting potential rewards. Depending on the destination of the vacation, activities from both of the first two tiers will be incorporated. However, the more exotic or expensive the vacation, the less prevalent the lower tiers will be. A weekend in Santa Barbara will certainly see both tiers because it’s nothing more than a long drive to an overnight. A 4-day to Hawaii will immediately drop off the expensive furniture shopping but still require a substantial display of wardrobe generosity. A week in Greece or a 10 day cruise will save you from having to purchase anything beyond my needs for the trip itself. I’m a reasonable man. The affection offered at this stage is substantial, particularly if you’re the appropriate level of attractiveness. Kissing and hand holding are standard and cuddling is dependant upon our accommodations but will be administered to some degree. Sex is not guaranteed but it’s reasonable to assume that I will treat you as a show of appreciation. Your generosity has not gone unnoticed.

Beyond Tier 3 we are looking at premium packages that include ongoing dating, relationships, and the ultra-deluxe “Live In” situation. These are exclusive offers that require at least ten Tier 1 dates, three Tier 2 dates, or a Tier 3 date for you to be considered.

-Ongoing dating will require a regularly alternated schedule of Tier 1 and Tier 2 dates at my convenience with no demands, requirements, or clingy stalkerishness from you.
-A relationship will require all of the above plus a regular allowance in an amount enough to pay my monthly bills while I write. Lucky for you I live frugally but don’t be a cheapskate. I’d like to have some walking around money as well.
-A Live In situation is the ultimate self indulgence and only for those who desire the finest things in life, by which I mean me. You must have a nice home in a location acceptable to me, preferably on the West side and, even better, near the beach. Other locales may be considered particularly if you have a pool. I’ll require a late model car. Nothing flashy but something that makes me feel good about myself as well as a credit card. A cash deposit may be required in the event that I need “mad money”.

All of the premiums include constant attention, affection, actual enthusiasm, and if you work hard, the possibility of true love. Relationships and Live-In come with exclusivity unless you’re not attractive then an open situation will be discussed and agreed upon.

My time is limited girls and some lucky lady who’s reasonably cute, has a sweet ass, and a fat bank account is going to scoop me up fast. Don’t find yourself left holding the bag (of money) when you could have been holding me. It’s a once in a lifetime chance to buy your way into the relationship of your dreams. Apply now.

Replies without pictures will be discarded immediately. If you’re so huge or hideous that you’re scared to show your image then you can’t possibly be rich enough to get me. Let me know which level of investment best suits you and all questions will be answered. Serious Inquires Only.

Let’s fall in love on a pile of your money.

Click below to read the responses.

Reply 1

HIM:
u probably get this a lot but here goes.  figured it was worth a shot.  no offense intended but…
i’m really into servicing str8 guys.  i think it’s insanely hot & willing to be generou$$ for someone as hot as u
done this a few times.  some were married, some w/ a GF, all said the head was AMAZING
last guy was an all-American, Indiana U grad, 27, wife at work, daughter at preschool
he rated it an 8 or 9 on a 10 scale.