Previous Concoctions:
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 1
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 2
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 3
The Craigslist Dating Experiment – Formula 4

Wednesday, Sept 23, Mid-Morning

MY POST:

Subject: Happy Humpday

Shall we?

I’ve been searching for true love to no avail but I’ve suddenly realized that I may be going about it all wrong. I’ve been following standard protocol by trying to meet a girl, get to know her, develop an emotional bond, then consummating our relationship with a physical expression of our love.

That’s clearly retarded.

Simply put, it never works. Time to change the paradigm. In honor of Hump Day, I’m offering one of you lucky gals the opportunity to capture my heart.

With your vagina.

That’s right, a once in a lifetime chance to hop on me and ride us into a relationship. Assuming that the sex is mind blowing, we’ll keep banging until we fall in love. When the emotional attachment becomes too much to bear, we’ll start talking and learn about each others most intimate thoughts and feelings, cute little mannerisms like squishing up your face when you fart and pulling on your earlobes when you’re lying (don’t be a fucking liar). After we’ve covered that we’ll go to coffee and talk about where we grew up, our families, some funny anecdotes about silly friends. It’ll be an epic love story to tell the grandchildren.

“Back in my day we did the fucking first and the loving later. Not how you kids do it these days by asking each others names up front and all that nonsense. No wonder your relationships don’t last. Your entire generation is destined to die alone.”

I think you can see where I’m going with this. A fulfilling, life long intertwining of two souls that began with one email of you naked and the first meeting….of our genitals.

So any of you women who can think outside the box by opening up your box, let’s make the magic happen. I anxiously await your replies.

By the way, no picture in your reply suggests that you are ugly, fat, or a dude. Or an ugly fat dude.

I’m prepared to love if you are…attractive, smart, and horny.

Click below to read the responses

They’re getting worse. Must re-formulate.

Reply 1 (Our conversation)

HER:
How many tatt do u have? How old were you when you got your first one?
Do you like playing sports?

ME:
All of them. Got the first one at 12. I play a little cricket and booty-ball.

Is that your only pic? I need more reference.

Reply 2 (Our conversation)

HER:
You are hysterical. Great ad. Probably not your type, but best of luck.

ME:
Send pics, I’ll judge you.